Perfectionism Recovery with Monica Packer: From Panic to Progress | ANEW Ep 83

What if the drive to be perfect is the very thing keeping you stuck?

In this episode of the ANEW Insight Podcast, clinical psychologist, registered dietitian, and fitness expert Dr. Supatra Tovar speaks with Monica Packer—Progress Coach, podcaster, and recovering perfectionist—about the invisible cost of perfectionism and the long road to true recovery.

Monica shares how her need to be perfect led to a hidden battle with multiple eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks—all while maintaining the appearance of high achievement. Her turning point? Walking through the doors of her college counseling center and hearing a therapist say something that changed her life: that she may deal with this forever—and that’s okay.

In this deeply moving conversation, Monica takes us through:

• How perfectionism can manifest as both overachieving and underperforming
• Why binge eating is not a lack of control, but a biological response to restriction
• How internalized expectations can lead to shame, burnout, and emotional paralysis
• The shift from all-or-nothing thinking to flexible habits rooted in self-compassion
• How Monica’s Do Something List helped her rediscover joy, confidence, and purpose
  
  

Monica explains how perfectionism recovery was not about discipline or overnight transformation—but rather about embracing imperfect action. Starting a blog that no one read. Painting something that wasn’t “good.” Launching a podcast that grew slowly over time. Each small, messy step helped her find herself again. For more information about Monica Packer here are her social media link: https://www.aboutprogress.com/ , https://www.instagram.com/aboutprogress/?hl=en,  https://soundcloud.com/monica-packer,  https://www.amazon.com/shop/influencer-be77dd29 

Her message is clear: Consistency doesn’t require perfection—it just means showing up more often than not.

This episode will resonate with high achievers, creatives, and women navigating burnout, body image struggles, or identity loss. If you've ever said, “I’ll try when I’m ready” or “Why can't I get it right?”—Monica’s story will help you find grace and motivation in the messy middle.

Listen now to discover how healing begins—not with perfection—but with the courage to begin.

And if you're ready to break free from diet culture and all-or-nothing thinking, join our online course Deprogram Diet Culture at anew-insight.com, where science-based tools help you rebuild trust with your body and food for life.

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Thank you for joining us on this journey to wellness. Remember, the insights and advice shared on the ANEW Body Insight Podcast are for educational and informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine. To learn more about the podcast and stay updated on new episodes, visit ANEW Body Insight Podcast at anew-insight.com. To watch this episode on YouTube, visit @my.anew.insight. Follow us on social media at @my.anew.insight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads for more updates and insights. Thank you for tuning in! Stay connected with us for more empowering stories and expert guidance. Until next time, stay well and keep evolving with ANEW Body Insight!

Transcript

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:00

Hello and welcome to the ANEW Insight podcast. I am Dr. Supatra Tovar and I am so excited to have progress coach, podcaster and self proclaimed recovering perfectionist Monica Packer with us today. We all need to hear this as they pursue personal growth and self development. Her very popular podcast also called About Progress, which I was on recently and just was so thrilled to have her interview me reaches thousands of listeners worldwide, featuring heartfelt conversations and actionable insights about building habits,

Monica Packer: 0:02

Wow. That was such a glowing bio. I was like, wow, I didn't write that, but that was very nice. Thank you. Well, without, uh, recounting a memoir size history here, I'll, I'll just share about two big phases of my life that showed me I needed to find a new way to progress and to develop, um, the things that mattered to me in my life. And the first happened when I was about 20 years old. at that point I was the stereotypical overachieving perfectionist, you know, getting straight A's in college, doing all the extracurricular, being super on top of everything from health to my spirituality and on the outside, I'm sure I was something that many people would think just had it all together. And while I could project that on the insides, I was paying the price that perfectionism entailed, which for me, um, really hit, uh, the wall of mental health for me, uh, eating disorders and multiples of them. Um, and with that depression and anxiety and panic attacks and suicidal ideation. And there were quite a series of moments with those that help me see I needed help. I'm really glad that my college happened to have that free counseling center because that's where I went. Um, at that point I was a mentor for freshmen students. I had sent many students there and it was just one of those weird moments to, you know, walk in that door myself and take it and take, you know, do the intake form and be welcomed right in. And again, it just came back to the all or nothing model. That's when I hit another wall when I was approaching my 30th birthday. And now this year I'm turning 39. So I expect another thing to happen this year or next year. As I was approaching that birthday. I realized that I was still a perfectionist and that actually came about because of a new therapist I had to be myself and the way back to myself entailed a lot of discovery and a lot of, um, weird things I didn't count on, like habit development and picking up goals again, and other areas of my life that I had long put on the back burner, but doing so in a new way, a way that prioritized messy progress over that all or nothing perfectionism. And like I said, it's been now nine years later and I have changed dramatically. And I'm myself really, but that experiment of progress over perfection, um, has amounted to exponential growth in ways I

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:07

Wow. That is a, that's a long road. And I think a lot of lessons along the way. And again, I think of, of particular interest, not that the entire journey has, is not of interest to me. Um, I think that perfectionism really does present itself in the way of eating disorders for so many young women. And, and if you could speak a little bit more to that, what did you feel like

Monica Packer: 0:08

And I was also a dancer. I was lucky to be in a, in a ballet studio where they didn't criticize our weight publicly or weigh us But I know that's pretty rare, but it just goes to show that so much of this is through osmosis. I never had someone tell me directly that you have to look a certain way to be this kind of dancer, nor did I tell, have someone tell me, you know, good women look this way, but it was very much a part of my family, a part of my culture, a part of my religion as well, that, you know, women have to get your value, it was often on what people could see, not just the physical appearance, but that was a big part of it, but more about what you can achieve and do with your goodness. So it was all with good intentions, you know, it just gradually grew from like, you know, eliminating food groups to thinking I could only eat a certain amount of items a day to eliminating sugar for years at a time. And, you know, it gradually took on bigger behaviors, which for me gradually became binge eating disorder. Which when I was first diagnosed was like new, like it was new to me. Uh, and I was so, blessed, honestly, to have a therapist who validated that I had an eating disorder

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:10

The whole point is for you to be talking. Absolutely. And I think that so many people can relate to this and, and that's what I often see in my practice is that binging doesn't have like just this unknown cause. It's usually coming from restriction. And I think You know, it's, it's centered in control at first, and then because the control is so difficult to maintain, then there's, you know, and because there's all or nothing thinking, you go straight to the other side. you think for you was the pathway? toward recovery? What helped you the most? Well I told you that I had a therapist validate that it was an

Monica Packer: 0:12

And then when you do them, you get that outcome. And it wasn't the case with my eating disorder. It was only getting worse. I felt like my life was falling apart and ways out were starting to become visible, you know, to others. um, so I was telling him how, how things were going and how distressing it was for me. And he looked at me and he said, Monica, you will likely deal with this the rest of your life. And again, that may sound really depressing, but for me, it was like, Oh, I don't have to fix this overnight. I can't. It's not down to just sheer willpower and grit. I can't, you know, push my way through this. It's going to take time. And that's really the gift he gave me. He gave me the gift of time. It took a long time. It took me many years. In fact, there were years where I was convinced I wasn't getting better. Um, and I can see now I was, I can see like that those behaviors were not totally controlling my life, but because like I would still have them, it felt like they were just like, why aren't they gone? You know, but. Now I can say, I think I'm about 18 years, almost into my recovery, I don't have those problems anymore. And it's so weird because you know, what helped me is to know I'd probably deal with it the rest of my life. And I don't, it just took a great deal of time and compassion coupled with persistence to slowly, ever so slowly make healing happen.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:14

Give a picture of that because I think that's kind of a newer concept of people. You know, that even if your life doesn't look like it, you may still be practicing perfectionism and be called a perfectionist even if the life looks messy.

Monica Packer: 0:15

initially from a place of control of hyper control. find that the underachieving perfectionists also had big periods of going after the all of the all or nothing part of perfectionism of really being high achieving and hard working and burning out and not being able to sustain what they were doing or paying a price. They didn't, that they didn't intend to pay. and then falling into that, what seems like a safe side of nothing, to just not try anymore. Um, to not put in the effort because of fear. Uh, and now it's like the fear is stopping you before you even start. That's just always been a part of me, but ambitious too. That was a part that totally gone. There were things I'd always wanted to try or do even just as simple as writing up a blog because everybody was writing a blog in those 2010s, you know, period, especially the early 2010s and just thinking, oh, I can't because nobody will read it, or oh, I won't be very good at it. Or you know, considering that I wanted to go into interior design, but I, well, that won't be practical or I won't be able to get clients, you know, things like that. I've just on the sidelines for everything. Um, but when we talk about perfectionism, I'm sure you will have a more, uh, like a more official definition about, you know, it's a coping mechanism. Not for me, that that wasn't possible for me because I didn't fit that mode, that mold anymore. Um, I'm sure many women can relate to that. I've had women totally break down when they're like, wait, I'm not lazy. I'm just a perfectionist.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:18

And then in terms of perfection, that's really fawning and we're trying to make our environment safe. That I think is so important for people to realize that it's not, you know, just societal pressure or just the what women face, I think so often it's about trying to make sure that our environment is safe enough for us to feel comfortable and, and that pursuit becomes never ending because there is no such thing as perfect, and so you're always striving and never achieving rather than just being, you know, comfortable and satisfied.

Monica Packer: 0:19

I can see it. I can see how my behaviors were really pushed by, know, this response to, to my life. And to what I've been through and how I thought I was supposed to be and the disappointments of the failures along the way. And as I turned the corner to the street, to our home, I just had this thought just needs to be about progress. And that I'll start, you know, that's part of my Do Something List that you mentioned at the very front in my bio. That's, that's what I try to do. I made a list of 30 things I wanted to try before I turned 30. Now we call that the Do Something List in my community. And the whole point was trying. It was about exploration, not completion.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:21

Wow. And they will be able to see this as we are recording the video as well. So gorgeous painting. And, you know, I think that is, uh, so inspiring and it had to have inspired others because you now have like a community that you correspond with. Tell us how that, how you built that, how that grew.

Monica Packer: 0:22

driving back from San Diego, we lived in Northern California at the time, uh, one of our kids said, Uh, unfortunately gotten sick on our vacation. It's now been eight and a half years, almost later, and I'm still doing it. And that's another thing that's changed my life too. Didn't have it on my list to begin with. So there's going to be trickle down effects to, challenging these perfectionistic tendencies of leaning into to the mess of, of leaning into the courage it requires to take small steps and to persist in those small steps, believing that big change will happen because it will. along the way, um, Just, I interviewed a lot of people in the beginning. It was mostly a stories podcast. I mostly interviewed other people about their own story of learning about progress over perfection. I love doing, I love learning as well. Um, and being able to use those skill sets in new and different ways. It's also been a big challenge for me. Uh, actually last year was my make it or break it year for my, for my podcast. Now eight years in at that point, I was like, you know, listen, guys. The, this is not working in terms of, of helping pay for my kids speech therapy, which they all seem to need. So it's either going to work or it's not. I'm going to have to move on. It was a tough year. But having that deadline helped me actually get through that better. And, um, it also helped me be like, yeah, it's not the end of the world. Everybody

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:27

And when we can exist in the middle ground, we actually can give us much more grace, much more space to be able to explore. And that's what you started to do. And I want to come back and talk about this, Do Something List. So we can really map that out for Listeners. Um, and that's what resulted in your podcast.