Building Family & Finding Healing, Self-Growth with Robin Hopkins | ANEW Ep 88

In this powerful second half of our conversation, award-winning writer, producer, and host of the Well…Adjusting podcast, Robin Hopkins, returns to the ANEW Insight Podcast to share her journey of queer family-building, navigating internalized shame, and using humor as a tool for healing.

Robin opens up about her book If These Ovaries Could Talk, which originated from her groundbreaking podcast of the same name. Drawing from hundreds of interviews with LGBTQ+ families, Robin helped create a roadmap for intentional parenting, offering deep insights into the sacrifices, love, and resilience that go into nontraditional family-building. Through her own lived experience—giving birth to both of her children with different donors—Robin shares what it means to lead with love, even when society doesn’t fully understand.

This episode covers:

• How living room “seminars” over margaritas turned into a movement for queer family advocacy
• The power of storytelling to reduce shame and deepen connection
• Overcoming internalized homophobia for the sake of her children
• How transparency in parenting builds emotional safety
• Why action—even tiny steps—is one of the most powerful tools to fight depression
• The healing nature of accountability, community, and honest conversations
• Robin’s lifelong journey with body image, eating challenges, and giving herself grace
• The difference between performative perfection and authentic humanity
  
  

We also explore Robin’s storytelling roots, beginning with personal comedy sets about underwear mishaps and evolving into a deeply compassionate lens on self-development, mental health, and parenting. Whether she’s talking about diet culture, donor conception, or depression, Robin keeps it real—highlighting the messiness, the humor, and the hope in the human experience.

If you're struggling with self-doubt, navigating your own body image, or trying to start something new but don’t know how—Robin’s message is clear: just start. Even a single email or a walk to therapy is enough to shift the momentum. Small steps matter.

Robin reminds us that healing doesn’t require perfection—just willingness. And when we share our stories, we remember we’re not alone.

Here are the social media channels links of Robin Hopkins: https://www.robinhopkins.org/, https://www.instagram.com/realrobhops/?hl=en, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRDKsrEdGF4MwYhOUvl98nQ, https://www.linkedin.com/in/robin-hopkins-564813101, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/well-adjusting/id1649386566. 

🔗 Visit ANEW-Insight.com to join the Deprogram Diet Culture course a

Thank you for joining us on this journey to wellness. Remember, the insights and advice shared on the ANEW Body Insight Podcast are for educational and informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine. To learn more about the podcast and stay updated on new episodes, visit ANEW Body Insight Podcast at anew-insight.com. To watch this episode on YouTube, visit @my.anew.insight. Follow us on social media at @my.anew.insight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads for more updates and insights. Thank you for tuning in! Stay connected with us for more empowering stories and expert guidance. Until next time, stay well and keep evolving with ANEW Body Insight!

Transcript

Robin Hopkins: 0:01

You know, so the, the, the, the book came out of a podcast that I was doing at the time, um, called If These Ovaries Could Talk. It's, it's, it's now, it's now since changed into kind of a another, uh, another podcast, but part of it was, you know, obviously I had gone through this journey, you know, of that's, well not obviously, but I had gone through this journey of, of of, of creating my family and I gave birth to both the kids and um, and. I used to have these, like, I used to call 'em like, uh, like they were like seminars in my living room where like some lesbian couple would come over and I would run the blender with like frothy beverages with alcohol. And then they would be like, all right, we wanna have a baby. And then I would walk them through how to do it. I jumped in and it was, was so moving. Like I was, I was less interested in, in saying like, oh, you did four, you know, IUIs or, you know, IVF rounds or whatever. But I was more interested in the human story behind how you created your family. And so that, like the book became. You know, we had all hundreds of interviews. You know, it's like, it just, the whole journey was a personal growth, experience, and it highlighted. And it's my favorite part about the book, it highlighted the intentionality with which L-G-B-T-Q folks create their families and how like no kid is wanted more than what, what, what we have to walk through. You know, it costs a lot of money, it takes a ton of planning it, it takes sacrifice on people's parts. Like my wife doesn't have any genetic tie to our children and that's just the way it sorted out for us. But, so that was a sacrifice, however. If you like my kids, like they have all these traits that remind me of my wife and you know, there's no part of them that would ever think of her as not their full genetic parent. And yet. You would never know that. And it's like, love makes our family. And so I don't, I, it, it's just, it was such a great experience to look back on all the interviews to, there's a, each chapter tells mine and the other host's personal journey around the topic and the chapter, and then there's, uh, clips of, from different guests so that you just can hear all the, the, the fabric of, of our stories. And even just like being able to sit back and, and look at it as I told my story, my family story, I was like, oh, this is, this is pretty freaking cool like that the kids will get to see this and that it exists in the world for people as, as a roadmap, as a, you know, as a, a look back in history, you know, because it's so much more common than it was when, when I started my family.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:05

Me too. Mm. Now that's, I was like, no, no, nope. I, you have two moms. And I, you know, it's like, I always knew that would be something we'd have to deal with, but I thought it would be like in middle school, like when they couldn't stand us for whatever reason. And it was like soon as she went into an environment where dads were coming, she was, she noticed something was different. And so we ended up getting this book, it was like the most specific book in the history of man. It was like I had two moms and, and they, a nice man donated so that, you know, it was like, it was very like, you know, really specific. And when she would do that, we would put it into rotation and we would read it to her. You know, it's just like, it just is what it is. And you know, there's a and I, and. My kids are so comfortable too. And again, we're in a bubble. Might not be like that if we lived in Indiana, but you know, I don't, I choose not to live in Indiana for that very reason, because of, you know, no offense, Indiana, we love you. Um, but just like, it's just not the bubble that New York is, but I really, I really love that you were telling stories to your children and you were using that book, and storytelling plays a huge role in your work. You know, this is in your book, this is in your podcast. Why is it that sharing personal stories helps people feel more understood and more connected? And when they're laughing about it, that makes you feel less alone. I think that's really important, you know? And so we have always tried because there is, you know, I will, I will say that there's a whole, um, donor conception, uh, group out there that are unhappy and, and wanna change regulations around, uh, uh, sperm donation because oftentimes they weren't told. And it's like, it was interesting 'cause we had some conversations with them, uh, with, with this one particular organization. And I said, how many L-G-B-T-Q um, folks do you have represented on, on your board. And they were like, none. And I was like, interesting. And I said, and how many of the people who are are struggling, uh, were not told? And they were like, most of them. And I was like, interesting. You know, I was like, we live in a very, I mean, we're forced to, because obviously one of these things is not like the other. Everyone's gonna say, well, where's the dad? So we are forced to live this very open life. But I do, I embraced it and you know, and my wife embraced it with our kids. And I think. That has really helped them. I mean, I see differences in my two kids. Like one is much more open, much more like cool with it, and I think likes being different and the other does not. And I can see it. And all I can do for that child is try to put something into place to make them feel as comfortable as possible. But I don't think it's any different than if they are embarrassed because I am older or chunky or, you know, I dress badly. Like, it's like they're, they're gonna be embarrassed of you for something. They're teens. It's what they do. Nothing secret is ever helpful Every time I've gone back to therapy, it's, 'cause when I would be walking in the neighborhood where my therapist's office was, I'd be like, I wonder if I'm gonna run into Patricia. And I was like, and it was always like, oh, that's a very weird thought. And I, and it would be my subconscious being like, Robin, Robin, make, maybe you should probably go talk about some of these things. So I think do the thing you don't wanna do. Start, because I think just like anything else, um, once, at least for me, once I do one thing, the next thing is easier. So, if the, if the thing is emailing a friend to say, do you, who was that therapist you had that you loved? You know, would you give me a referral? Like one email can start something. So I just, it's just start like it's, you know, there's no way through it, but through it. And, and the thing that is the worst feeling I can almost think of is when I'm actively going against my inner voice. There's, there's, I, there's, it's so painful. It's so painful when something inside me is going, you know that this is a bad thing that you're about to do for yourself. You, you, you do actually wanna go to the gym and then no, and then I don't listen and then I stay on the couch and eat some ice cream or late, it's like, I will feel so bad about myself. And, and how much worse is that than had I just gone? Every time I've gone back to therapy, it's, 'cause when I would be walking in the neighborhood where my therapist's office was, I'd be like, I wonder if I'm gonna run into Patricia. And I was like, and it was always like, oh, that's a very weird thought. And I, and it would be my subconscious being like, Robin, Robin, make, maybe you should probably go talk about some of these things. So I think do the thing you don't wanna do. Start, because I think just like anything else, um, once, at least for me, once I do one thing, the next thing is easier. So, if the, if the thing is emailing a friend to say, do you, who was that therapist you had that you loved? You know, would you give me a referral? Like one email can start something. So I just, it's just start like it's, you know, there's no way through it, but through it. And, and the thing that is the worst feeling I can almost think of is when I'm actively going against my inner voice. There's, there's, I, there's, it's so painful. It's so painful when something inside me is going, you know that this is a bad thing that you're about to do for yourself. You, you, you do actually wanna go to the gym and then no, and then I don't listen and then I stay on the couch and eat some ice cream or late, it's like, I will feel so bad about myself. And, and how much worse is that than had I just gone? Well, I tell you, one of the greatest depression relievers is action, And I highly encourage everyone in my office and just everyone, period, that if you were just quiet enough to hear that voice, you would be shocked at what it actually says, and you would, you would be inspired by what it says. You have to get quiet enough to listen to it, and that, you know, comes from meditation, Mm-hmm. Oh, mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that's brilliant. Let's, let's talk. Your interviews, you have had a very wide range of guests on Well...Adjusting. Tell me about one conversation that maybe even completely changed the way that you think about self-improvement.

Robin Hopkins: 0:20

Hmm. mean, I, I. All the, they're kind of like my kids. All the conversations, like I, they're all different and lovely and I love them all. Um, some, some make me like, grow in different ways. Like I, you know, I can be pushy, I can be, like miss something. 'Cause I, I was hell bented on making a point. And so I have to be, I have to really try to like tune into the people and be like, where, where are they? And so I'm always like searching their face to see, did I say too much? Did I, you know, is this, how is this landing? So it's like most of my learnings are about like. About the individuals and the experience and rather than about growth in and of itself. But what I think is really interesting about that is there's this, whether it be podcasting or television or whatever, there's this idea sometimes that people have of like, we wanna reach the most people possible. But I'll tell you what, those are always the worst shows ever it's a very counterintuitive experience and I think that that can help grow lots of people because people, 'cause think about it, how many times do people, like, I think sometimes people are drawn to group therapy because maybe they're not ready to say the same, the the thing, but they can, they like hearing themselves in that person across the room and they can nod and go, yep, yep. Absolutely. I mean, I don't know that everybody is seeking healing, but I think we're all struggling. I think there are many people in this world. I, I, you know, I use my mom as a reference, like I just, I, I used to say, I still say she was too sensitive for this world and this time around she just couldn't get it. Like, she just did the very best she could, but she couldn't get it. And I think there are some people who aren't gonna get it this time around. And I'm not saying I believe in reincarnation, but if I, if who, I don't know, it seems like there's some old souls we we'll never know until we're gone. So, you know, I'm not gonna, I don't worry too much about it, but I think I, I do think that that is. That everybody's struggling. I just, weird little story. There was first day I dropped my daughter off at, at daycare. Gosh. She was like, I was like coming out of maternity, I'm not cry, crying, whatever. And you know, and, and. I see this lady, no, I'm sorry. It wasn't the first day. It was like in that first year. And I'm on the, I'm in the, I'm in the elevator with this woman and I'm exhausted and I'm just, ugh. And she, she kinda like, gives that mom face and I said, Ugh, you know, some days you just can't wait till seven o'clock. And she goes, yeah, I know that feeling. She goes, I mean, I've never felt it. But I, I understand what you're saying and I was like, you bitch, because I, because I was just like, that is, first of all, you are a boldfaced liar. I don't believe that there is one parent on this planet that hasn't had a day where they just want their child to go to bed. It does not mean I don't love the absolute every cell in their, in their being, but it does mean that I am at my limit. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed and there and, and I thought at first I was just super mad. And then I was like, oh, I feel very sorry for this woman because this is a person who is so caught up in the perception of how she believes she's supposed to act as a mother, as a person. That she couldn't even connect with me one-on-one to say, I know it's been a tough one, right. You know, so I, so I do think there are some people that aren't up to it for whatever reason, whether it's unkindness or whether it's just they're shutdown or maybe they've just had so much trauma, you know, I just don't know that my mom could, she just couldn't. And, but I do think we're all messed up and

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:25

Me too. And you know, to, to go back to something that you brought up in the beginning, you have said that you've struggled with weight and shape and a lot of people who listen to this or who come to my therapy, they also struggle. What is one thing that you can impart on them as they are going through this

Robin Hopkins: 0:26

that I'm gonna get help in. Like, it's like when I'm struggling, I call into an OA meeting. I, you know, it's just, I just know this is a fight for me and I just know that that is, there's something in me that this is, I don't know why. I don't know. I wish it weren't the case, but it is. And. So I would just say, no, you're not alone. And you know, and I try, I try very hard to, to be thankful of my body rather than ashamed of it, or mad at myself because of, you know, maybe I didn't treat it the best and now there's some stretch marks or there's the this or there, there's the that. Three outta 10. The three outta 10 is like a good batting average 300 for some reason. But it's like you only hit three. It just seems weird. Um, but you know, like sometimes I can only let my body three outta 10 days, but it's like, I don't know, it's maybe it used to be one. So just, I think it's important for people who struggle to know you're not alone. I don't think you should be ashamed. I think it is a. To your earlier point, there is so much phobia on the internet. There is so much like, why can't you just help yourself and just, just be, why don't you just get a little disciplined? It is not that for many of us out here, it is not that, and I don't want anyone to ever think that.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:28

I adore your humanity. I really do. It's you are all about community. You are about how the stories that we tell unite us. You are also about really being kind and giving yourself grace. Especially when you're struggling and that we are all in that same boat. And if we can be open and honest about that, um, and reach out to each other, then we can help pull each other up through this.

Robin Hopkins: 0:29

so thankful and I'm so glad you're doing what you're doing 'cause it's, it's fantastic.