Love Should Feel Safe: How to Heal from Love-Bombing, Break Trauma Cycles & Build Secure Boundaries | ANEW Insight Ep. 126

 In Part 2, Dr. Supatra Tovar continues her conversation with Rosie Aiello—Women’s Life & Transformation Coach, international speaker, and bestselling author—on how survivors can break generational conditioning, stop people-pleasing, and rebuild a life rooted in kind love. We unpack the cultural scripts that silence women (“be nice, keep the peace”), why love-bombing is an early red flag, and how trauma responses like people-pleasing keep you in unsafe dynamics. Rosie reframes forgiveness as self-release from resentment, not approval of harm, and shares practical steps: trauma-informed therapy, nervous-system regulation, value-based boundaries, and daily mantras that restore self-trust. We close with a powerful reminder: your intuition is a compass—slow your breath, listen inward, and choose relationships that honor your voice.

What you’ll learn

• How culture and family patterns normalize people-pleasing—and how to exit the script
• Early warning signs: love-bombing, fast escalation, control masked as “care”
• Forgiveness without excusing abuse: releasing resentment to reclaim power
• Nervous-system tools to hear your intuition (longer exhale, body check-ins)
• Building value-based boundaries and finding the right trauma-informed support
• Resources for safe exits, affordable therapy, and survivor-centered communities
  
  

Resources & Next Steps
 • Find survivor-friendly therapy: Open Path Collective (low-cost)
 • U.S. support: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (thehotline.org)
 • Continue your journey: ANEW Insight → https://anew-insight.com • Book & Course → anew-insight.com/book • anew-insight.com/course

Wants to  know more about Rosie Aiello here are her social media channels you can visit: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rosieaiello,  https://theloveiskindnetwork.com/rosie/,  https://www.facebook.com/TheRosieAiello/, https://www.instagram.com/rosieaiello_loveiskind/ 

 #narcissisticabuserecovery, #lovebombing, #emotionalabusesurvivor, #peoplepleasing, #boundaries, #forgiveness, #traumainformed, #nervoussystemregulation, #intuition, #culturalconditioning, #anewinsightpodcast  #domesticviolenceawareness, #gaslighting, #financialabuse, #healthyrelationships,  #drsupatratovar #drtovar #supatratovar #rosieaiello #drt #anewinsight #deprogramdietculture #nutrionalpsychology  #breakthecycle, #survivorempowerment, #womenshealing, #valuesbased, #selfcompassion, #leavetoxicrelationships, #lowcosttherapy, #openpathcollective, #loveiskindday, #kindlove, #anewinsightpodcast

Thank you for joining us on this journey to wellness. Remember, the insights and advice shared on the ANEW Body Insight Podcast are for educational and informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Always consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your health routine. To learn more about the podcast and stay updated on new episodes, visit ANEW Body Insight Podcast at anew-insight.com. To watch this episode on YouTube, visit @my.anew.insight. Follow us on social media at @my.anew.insight on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Threads for more updates and insights. Thank you for tuning in! Stay connected with us for more empowering stories and expert guidance. Until next time, stay well and keep evolving with ANEW Body Insight!

Transcript

0:00 Rosie Aiello: 0:01

We kind of touched upon it, you know, the first time about how culture is. I have spoken to women in all parts of the world, and I swear to God it was like we were all married to the same man and. This pattern of where we were talking about before where women have to be people please and we people please. Why don't you just stay? I've stayed. So you get those kinds of, that kind of languaging, I believe. And, this, the same cultural pressure that I've described is in all these countries around the world, This is a hard strugglebecause I think we're kind of built with, well, we wanna be liked we wanna be shown as we're kind. But women don't understand, I mean, I surely didn't understand this is, you know, as was letting him, you know, taking the responsibility. Now I, after all this work, it's like I didn't know how to say no to him.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:04

Yes, I think it's, I think it's actually transgenerational trauma at play because if you look back at the history of women, our safety, uh, really depended on us conforming, doing things that men wanted us to do because physically we are not as strong as them, and they were overpowering us from the get go. And when they do this, they can realize a much fuller life and be able to seek out like-minded partners and mates that will respect them for who they are. Let's pivot just for a second. Let's talk about forgiveness. 'cause that's a tough one.

Rosie Aiello: 0:06

I would never, ever say you have to forgive to go forward. I don't think it's healthy. I know that a lot of people will say you do that. I think that what's much more important is that you learn to forgive yourself. That's where you break free of the prison that has been. You know, saying like, oh, I should have known. Why did I do that? I am so stupid. You know, the whole litany of putting yourself down, and that's where the compassion really comes in. That's so important. Self-compassion, self-kindness is so critical during these stages to, to be able to forgive yourself, to let go of what you didn't know. We have to accept we didn't know. nobody in their right mind would've gone into a toxic, scary, terroizing relationship had they known.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:07

Exactly. You know, I've always had a problem with the word forgiveness until I read this book called Forgive for Good by Dr. Luskin. He's a Stanford professor, and the way that he couched. It was life changing for me. Basically, he termed forgiveness as a lingering resentment that circles around your head like a low flying airplane that can never land, and he termed forgiveness in a way that was more about letting go of that resentment and how that frees you.

Rosie Aiello: 0:08

Yes, that's exactly right because if you're, you know how I talking about before about negativity begets negativity. So if you're constantly in the state of getting back

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:09

Yes, absolutely. And I just encourage people go and read that book. It was really transformative for me. I, it really helped me understand that, forgiveness is more about letting go than it is about condoning any kind of behavior and you can move forward. He did a lot of work on the Protestants and the Catholics in Ireland and all of that longstanding feud and how much that resentment kept fueling more and more fights and skirmishes.

Rosie Aiello: 0:10

and there are a lot of. groups on Facebook, and I know they're supportive. I've seen them. I would just advise about what is the group doing? Because I've been, you know, I've looked at them from an observer point of view. I had already pretty much healed and stuff like that, they're trashing the ex and they're just going, it's all negative. So be very careful when you're doing that. Read books, read the Verbally Abusive Relationship. There are a lot of other books. Get connected with people who are going to uplift you to where you want to go as opposed to staying in by how badly you were treated, how this, we were all badly treated. And you will move faster going forward if you go and afford in a, in the positive direction, you're not gonna get there right away. I'm not gonna sugarcoat this. And everyone's situation is different. How you grew up, your experiences, where you were in the world. All of this will will matter, but most important thing is that you can do it. Those, even if you don't believe the mantra. I didn't have a plan B for that escape. There was no plan B. I didn't even know I didn't have a plan B, I just knew this was going to work. And the same thing, having that deep belief that my, my life looks like blankety blank right now, but you know what? I can take a step forward and I can take another step forward. Yeah. I don't know what boundaries means, but I'll find out. I don't know what my values are, but I'll find out. Just having that openness to learning to move forward and making sure that you're surrounded by kind people who support you.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:13

You'd be surprised how many people would want to help you. Even if you have family members who are encouraging you to stay. There's always going to be somebody who's going to say, Nope, that is not okay for you, and you need to leave that and I can help you do that. Then getting into therapy if there's If you are very low income, you can go and seek and find a therapist through there as well. And so there's a lot of ways to be able to get help, community mental health centers and, you know, certain community mental health centers are really wonderful because they not only provide you therapists, they provide help linking you with housing, linking you with financial aid, trying to get job information for you so you can find meaningful work.

Rosie Aiello: 0:15

Yeah, I wanna share this story because, it has lots of aspects to it. So this is actually a friend of mine who I ended up coaching, and she was telling me she was living on the East Coast at the time, she met this guy online, which is really common these days she just, she was just, he was just wonderful to her. He was so kind and just, treated her like a queen, and that's how she wanted to be treated. and he says, you know, look, he came out to visit her and he says, I want you to come back with me. I mean, I just wanna be with you all the time. So before she knew it, she had sold everything, put what she could in her car and drove across the United States to Washington State and moved in with him, and I'm listening to her because now I'm not at the stage of coaching her yet. Okay. But the bells were ringing in my head And I go, okay. And I go, well, what about you? She goes, well, I'll just do that on the side. So already I want people to see the pattern that happens, right? The pattern that happens. So I go, okay. And so I started to try to bring to her attention what things were happening again, she didn't ask for my advice yet, or for my coaching. And then one time he grabbed her hair. Pulled her hair, that's not a good sign. And then she called me. Rosie, I need help. I go, okay. And that was probably about a month and a half into the relationship and she says, I don't know what to do. We got engaged. Oh. So this is another pattern where everything goes, it is called love bombing, Where everything is good and everything is sweet, and they say all the right words and who, if you've felt that you grew up and you didn't have enough love in your life, and you're finally finding somebody who gives this to you, it's just like, honey to you. So she goes, I'm getting outta here. I go, okay. She leaves. And I'm talking to her in the car. She goes, he started to follow me. He's he wants me back. He loves me. I go, what are you gonna do? She goes, I don't know. I go, you know, maybe he needs some time away. And as I was coaching her, just trying to bring alive what was healthy and what wasn't healthy. But the dynamics of these kinds of personalities are very strong, right? It's very strong. And so she goes back, I knew she was gonna go back. I could feel that she was gonna go back. So she went back. And then Rosie, I need you. I go, you deserve to be treated with kindness. You deserve a man who respects you. You are a dynamic woman. I had to remind her who she really was deep down, and I had to keep reminding her. And we plotted, her second escape, which was the final escape. This happened within two, two and a half months of the love of her life so she thought to this being entrapped, how everything happened so quickly. She sold everything. She didn't have a home. She had just what was in her car. He wanted to her to move in with him. He wanted her to do work with him and his business, even though he was quite vague. And she said, oh, yeah, well, I can do my work in the truck.

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:20

Yes. I think that there's a really important takeaway from the story. There's many important takeaways, but really wanna hone in on the love bombing. I think that is the most insidious and the most common tactic that an abuser will employ to bring in the person that they're trying to control. think about progressing a relationship slowly, and I also think it's really important to look at your need or your desire for that. I think it comes from a very deep place. It's usually an unmet need from your childhood. Usually something happened in your childhood that makes you drawn toward that, and that's, I think, what they look out for in terms of bringing in the person that they wanna control.

Rosie Aiello: 0:22

This is when to really fill into your intuition. Listen to yourself. Put your hand on your heart. Put your hand on your stomach, and go, how's this really feeling to me?

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:23

Slow down your breathing. Get some nice inhales. Make sure the exhale's longer than the inhale, and let your body relax. Then close your eyes. Go within and ask yourself the question that is most on your mind, and just wait for the most gentle answer, not the up here you know, conditioned mind. The answer that's coming from your heart and from your body.

Rosie Aiello: 0:24

I am with the love of my life. When I landed in the United States, back in the United States, never in a million years, it wasn't even on top of my mind. I told you I couldn't stand to look at a man. And it was funny I met him online he had the same primary value as I did kindness. And that was the beginning, right? And we said. We never yell at each other. We have mutual respect. We're team players. In fact, it's like, oh, you wanna discuss that with me? 'Cause my ex would never discuss things. He would make decisions on my behalf. We're great team players. I just, I have never felt such love in my entire life. I feel so blessed. And let me tell you ladies, it doesn't matter how old you are, right? I mean, when I landed I was in my mid fifties and I've been here for quite a while now, and it's just undescribable the love I feel for this man and the love I feel from him and how true it is. And it's worth everything. And my desire is for women to, to feel, to be able to experience that love, that kind love, right? It has to be that kind love. There is a difference. And when you do that. you'll, your life will just expand. So I am with the love of my life. When I landed in the United States, back in the United States, never in a million years, it wasn't even on top of my mind. I told you I couldn't stand to look at a man. And it was funny I met him online he had the same primary value as I did kindness. And that was the beginning, right? And we said. We never yell at each other. We have mutual respect. We're team players. In fact, it's like, oh, you wanna discuss that with me? 'Cause my ex would never discuss things. He would make decisions on my behalf. We're great team players. I just, I have never felt such love in my entire life. I feel so blessed. And let me tell you ladies, it doesn't matter how old you are, right? I mean, when I landed I was in my mid fifties and I've been here for quite a while now, and it's just undescribable the love I feel for this man and the love I feel from him and how true it is. And it's worth everything. And my desire is for women to, to feel, to be able to experience that love, that kind love, right? It has to be that kind love. There is a difference. And when you do that. you'll, your life will just expand. So

Dr. Supatra Tovar: 0:26

I love this and we'll, we'll have that link in the show notes and all of her, uh, other links and information for you all. Rosie, thank you so much. Your story is really inspiring and I hope it helps people who might be trapped in relationships that are very, very harmful for them find their way towards health, stability, and kindness.