Why High Achievers Are Driven by Anxiety

If you’re successful but constantly overwhelmed, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your nervous system may be using anxiety as fuel, and the long-term cost is your health, clarity, and peace.

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High achievers often look composed on the outside while quietly running on pressure inside. In Part Two of Dr. Supatra Tovar’s conversation with internationally recognized mindset trainer, NLP expert, and hypnotherapy fellow Reg Malhotra, you’ll learn why many high performers are conditioned to rely on anxiety to get things done and how that pattern shows up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, and chronic stress.

Reg describes two major blind spots he sees repeatedly in business owners, professionals, and athletes: carrying past failures like a backpack that never comes off, and believing you have to be strong all the time. Together, these patterns can create a constant need to prove, making it harder to ask for help and easier to quietly suffer.

From there, the episode goes deeper into why so many people are driven by not enoughness. Reg explains how repeated exposure to scarcity messages conditions the mind and body, and how the world’s constant not enough messaging turns into I’m not enough over time. The antidote is more than positive thinking. It’s strategic exposure: environments, stories, and experiences that teach the nervous system what abundance feels like.

Dr. Tovar connects this to a practical media diet, intentional attention, and emotional intelligence. You’ll hear why awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence, how to respond instead of react, and why building a healthier relationship with emotions helps with everything from decision-making to eating cues and self-trust.

Finally, Reg shares his go-to intervention for sustainable change: clarifying personal values (not corporate values) and aligning 70–80% of your life with them over time. Not through impulsive life overhauls, but through a realistic, step-by-step plan that honors responsibilities while moving toward a life that actually fits who you are.

Main Points Covered
• Why high achievers carry past failures like a backpack and how it fuels anxiety
• The hidden cost of always needing to be strong and never asking for help
• How entrepreneurs and high performers become conditioned to use anxiety as motivation
• Why perfectionism and people-pleasing are often trauma-shaped survival patterns
• Values as the foundation for calm, confidence, and sustainable performance
• A practical two-step approach to realignment without burning your life down
• Scarcity mindset, doom scrolling, and how not enough becomes I’m not enough
• Strategic exposure: t

Transcript

dr--supatra-tovar_3_12-03-2025_133723: 0:00

Welcome back everyone. We are back for our second half of our amazing interview with internationally recognized mindset trainer, master of NLP and hypnotherapy fellow, TEDx Temecula, speaker and founder of Neuro Masters Academy, Reg Malhotra. Reg gave us amazing insight into ways to release emotional blocks to help improve our mindset and I cannot wait to pick his brain some more. Welcome back, Reg.

reg-malhotra_2_12-04-2025_073722: 0:01

One of the biggest ones that I've found, and this is after working with high achievers across professions, business owners in particular, and also sports athletes is the, one of the biggest blind sports or issues is carrying their past failures like backpack never put down. Now that can be useful. Sure. It's like I don't want to have that occur ever again. But that in itself, the motivation, you know, it brings with it a lot of anxiety, fear, the need to prove. And I think it's better to be a, in many ways, someone who is holding themselves accountable. But I think that's a big one. The other one is, um, thinking that they should be strong all the time. 'cause now you have this image to maintain and that can eventually lead to inability to ask for help, uh, and projecting that idea of strength all the time in every area. 'cause it goes down to the identity level, right? And again, I, I'm gonna balance this up. It's better to have an identity that says, Hey, I can handle this.

dr--supatra-tovar_3_12-03-2025_133723: 0:03

and they really wanna get the word out and they're super excited about it. And it's, you know, if you think of like Tony Robbins and Joe Dispenza and people are like, oh my gosh, I have so much to share with you.

reg-malhotra_2_12-04-2025_073722: 0:04

Yeah. Uh. What drives them typically, you know, I heard someone say, let's take an entrepreneur for an example. Someone who goes out and like you said, mission or solving a problem or putting something great out into the world. Someone said it, and I'm not sure how much truth that is, that you'd have to be crazy to do that. Right. So the, the comment made was almost every entrepreneur is trying to prove something. You would have to be crazy to go in every day and have not have that certainty, putting out fires. You need something special inside of you. Sometimes it is that need to prove sometimes to prove other people wrong, and sometimes it's to prove to themselves that they can do it. So I want to tap into the one way unconsciously there is that constant drive to prove. This can be very useful, by the way. In fact, if you, if you speak to a lot of high performers, that is the story. You know, I, I experienced this or I got told this and and I wanted to prove it. That can be fine. Up to a point. It can drive you. But at some stage that is going to lead to a thing we call, not enoughness. This may, may not know, but a lot of high performers are running this story. Knowingly or unknowingly that I need to do more to prove that, prove my existence. Say, how far do you want to go? This can go to so many directions in this camp. have very severe health, digestion and overall mental wellness effects. So I think that this. Again, comes down to a trauma response, and perfectionism can really take a toll on you because what I think people don't tend to understand is that you'll never please anyone enough for it to, to create safety for you. You'll never get someone happy enough. So that you feel safe and the only way that you'll ever feel safe is through yourself and your nervous system and really coming to understand that. My favorite go to place i a thing we call values, and I don't mean those corporate values, I mean personal individual values. One of the greatest discoveries, uh, for me through this field was what is a value? How does it drive us? Are we, have we designed our life in accordance, largely in accordance with our value system? And if not, are we aware of the gap? This was an absolute game changer I really teach that. I have technical processes that help people establish what those values are. 'cause values are stored in the nervous system. Like what is a value, what's important to you, not necessarily what you love, what's important to you. So what are the, the first thing, whether it's a high achiever or someone else who's coming from the bottom and redesigning their life, how much of your current life is organized? You, I don't know if you heard about this, but even your, your brain, your prefrontal cortex is designed to produce more energy for you, more motivation when you are in line with your values. Often people say, I'm trying to find myself. That's you are winning. You are winning. Your definition of success is now yours. Right? My values, for example, one of my top values is energy. One of my top values is, you know, massive development and consciousness in my ability to perceive things, one of my top values is people. So my life is not designed. Well, first thing, first, we, we address their significant emotional events right through the work. We'll make sure they're not carrying any old stories, old trauma, uh, responses, and they're more in, uh, you know, in a calmer place of what they believe about themselves. There are three things that are, I get people to audit. you see it all the time. Right? And many times we, we, we give, we given to our needs over our values. So you need a two step approach rather than saying, oh my God, my life is not, no, no, no, no, stop. You have taken responsibility. Maybe you have a mortgage, maybe you have children. Maybe you have, know, gone into a particular profession and you have responsibilities to that now. So you may need a two step approach. Once you clear on who you truly are, what your values are, you begin. Step one is locking in the future and then making changes. It's kind of almost like an escape plan from your current then you, 'cause you've gotta be realistic here. You can't just go, that's it. That's my values.

dr--supatra-tovar_3_12-03-2025_133723: 0:12

I absolutely agree that, you, once you figure out your values, once you figure out what you were meant to do, not necessarily what your parents told you you needed to be or society told you needed to be, the next step is visualizing where you'd like to be. Most people don't spend time there. They spend time thinking about all the bad things that could happen, all the ways that can go wrong rather than what could go right if I were to change my career. Say it's from, you know, being a lawyer to being a therapist. That's was your goal, your what you align with the most. Well, what does it take to get there? You get you, you can see the end goal, which is I'd like to have my own private practice, right. Well, what are the steps that you need to take to get there? If that's what, if you can see that end goal and you know it's possible, there are methodical steps that can happen. And if you were to be able to break all of that down into actionable steps, well, today what do I need to do? I need to go and research schools. And maybe because I'm working right now, I need to look at a school where I can go in the evening and do it online and still be working.

reg-malhotra_2_12-04-2025_073722: 0:14

Scarcity. Yeah. We've, we see that a lot too. I think that's a, I would call it almost like a dis-ease because it's so deeply lodged in. So scarcity comes from an, let me, can I talk in NLP terms a little bit here? Like, you know, what we call as five senses, plus self-talk, visual, auditory, kinesthetic. So we, we look at the world, everything in a series of things that comprise of something you see, something, you hear, something you feel. Now these things are not small things. Imagine growing up in an environment where there's not enough. You are told there's not enough. You see, there's not enough whether on tv, whether through movies, whether through behaviors of family members, whether through the country you are in, whether through your environment. Everything is saying to you in those formatting years, survive. Survival is hard. Then you actually go and experience it. Because it's all the time. VAK all that. You see it, you hear about it, you feel it. So, so the simple ideas, it's not that complex actually. No matter where you are right now, choose to expose. This is a hack really. Expose yourself to stories about people who made it in spite of adversity. You know what they say? If you read about people who overcame it, it becomes you. Expose yourself to ideas, environments that shout abundance, and this is very hard for people to do by the way. Many years ago I used to ask people to go on the weekends, especially if abundance is one of the, you know, they have so many, limiting ideas about people who have abundance. People secretly have that by the way. They look down on people. They, they think they are, they, they, they're skeptical. I used to, many years ago, I used to send people to go to weekend inspections of large homes. I mean those big grand homes. I said, I want you to register for it. It don't cost you anything. I want you to walk through it. You see, the brain does very well when it's been in environments. It's one thing to have a vision board and just look at it. But you've never been in there. And I used to send them and they used to go on weekends and they'd go these gorgeous mansions and they would, and ask them, look at the pillars, look at the, look at the views, look at the high ceilings. Remind yourself that there is enough. So unfortunately, or fortunately, the brain needs a lot of reminders. Because it's all the time. VAK all that. You see it, you hear about it, you feel it. So, so the simple ideas, it's not that complex actually. No matter where you are right now, choose to expose. This is a hack really. Expose yourself to stories about people who made it in spite of adversity. You know what they say? If you read about people who overcame it, it becomes you. Expose yourself to ideas, environments that shout abundance, and this is very hard for people to do by the way. Many years ago I used to ask people to go on the weekends, especially if abundance is one of the, you know, they have so many, limiting ideas about people who have abundance. People secretly have that by the way. They look down on people. They, they think they are, they, they, they're skeptical. I used to, many years ago, I used to send people to go to weekend inspections of large homes. I mean those big grand homes. I said, I want you to register for it. It don't cost you anything. I want you to walk through it. You see, the brain does very well when it's been in environments. It's one thing to have a vision board and just look at it. But you've never been in there. And I used to send them and they used to go on weekends and they'd go these gorgeous mansions and they would, and ask them, look at the pillars, look at the, look at the views, look at the high ceilings. Remind yourself that there is enough. So unfortunately, or fortunately, the brain needs a lot of reminders. Even if you don't have a lot, there's a lot of activities you can do that favorite park, go and have that expensive coffee. Couple of dollars more. Something that constantly is reminding your system. There's enough because the world will never stop shouting at you that there's not enough.

dr--supatra-tovar_3_12-03-2025_133723: 0:19

It's so true. We live in this doom scrolling world. We live in our social media algorithm, which constantly, through advertising, everything tells us that we won't ever have enough that we need to have this to be bettered, that the sky is falling, that the world is terrible. We see this all the time, and I think it is so important for us to raise our consciousness and see that we do not have to condition ourselves to that. We can become aware that usually that kind of atmosphere, uh, that kind of mindset is so tied to consumerism. People are trying to get us to buy something because they make us feel like we're not enough or the world is scarce or will never have enough. It is so important to shift that mindset, to shift our perspective. What happened in the world? That's all I need to see, because if we're focusing on that, that's taking us so far away from what we actually want, which is abundance, peace, doing what we love being around people that we love. So if we shift our focus to paying attention to those things, we tend to get more of those things.

reg-malhotra_2_12-04-2025_073722: 0:21

Yeah, emotional intelligence, like you said, everybody you know, has a level of emotional intelligence until all the things happen and until we get exposed to all of the other things that tell us otherwise. The greatest of emotional intelligence for me is the ability to have awareness about what's happening inside. That helps with not reacting. You know, you, you, you know what they say. The words you say will never come back. So having the ability to stop, to pause, to think, to breathe all those things in order to respond and not react is the first sign to me of emotional intelligence. So not letting something just immediately impact you. Right. Understanding when emo, this is the, this is a, I think this is easy, easier than it's looks, but just having a healthy relationship with your emotions, not poo-pooing them. Understanding even if fear comes up, there's so many ways in which you can connect with your feelings and emotions. Just being present to them alone enhances your, I believe there is a relationship we have with our emotions, right? Yeah, emotional intelligence, like you said, everybody you know, has a level of emotional intelligence until all the things happen and until we get exposed to all of the other things that tell us otherwise. The greatest of emotional intelligence for me is the ability to have awareness about what's happening inside. That helps with not reacting. You know, you, you, you know what they say. The words you say will never come back. So having the ability to stop, to pause, to think, to breathe all those things in order to respond and not react is the first sign to me of emotional intelligence. So not letting something just immediately impact you. Right. Understanding when emo, this is the, this is a, I think this is easy, easier than it's looks, but just having a healthy relationship with your emotions, not poo-pooing them. Understanding even if fear comes up, there's so many ways in which you can connect with your feelings and emotions. Just being present to them alone enhances your, I believe there is a relationship we have with our emotions, right? showed them on how, uh, uh, emotions are the helpers. How do we, how do we get to a point that we realize emotions are the helpers, they are the Now that can be, you can use your intuitive self for everything. A decision that you wanna make. Uh, are you actually hungry? Are you not hungry? Are you wanting comfort? Is what's going on with you right now emotionally? When you tap into that and you ask your intuitive self, and you wait and you listen, calmly. And you're not gonna be swayed by, you know, somebody's, uh, fearful mindset over here telling you you can't do it. Especially when you see a pathway to what you want to do. I mean, I, that happened to me all throughout my schooling. I heard you'll never do this. You can't do that. You're, you're gonna fail at that. feel into the feelings, understand the emotion. Have a healthy relationship with them, and that will affect your eating habits for sure.

dr--supatra-tovar_3_12-03-2025_133723: 0:27

Wonderful. Okay, Reg. Well. I do hope everybody goes and learns more about Reg the work he's doing. I think it is so valuable to take a look at what's in our minds and to, you know, maybe take a second look at it and figure out what's working for you and what's not working for you. And Reg can really help you with that.